and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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