I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
So vagazzling was a success
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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