piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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