I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
