Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
