dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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