can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
