No awkward lesbian experiences without me
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
