The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
