I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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