Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
