the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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