wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
