____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
