Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize