why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
