Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
