If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
