Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
