her vagine was all disorganized.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
