Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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