Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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