a queef is a wish your heart makes.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
