the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
you had me at cake vodka
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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