left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
