it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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