I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
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