doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Randomize
