Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
