There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
