I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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