Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
