got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
