Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
It's never too late to be topless.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Randomize