dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
her facebook's as public as her vagina
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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