That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
