I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I just blew my weed a kiss
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
