Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
