it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
and you fell through a lawn chair
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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