Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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