Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
