Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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