I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
