Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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