All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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