Can i not drive my cunt home
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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