So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm getting married
To pizza
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
