low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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