Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
