Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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