a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize
