Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
