I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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