What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I think I just sharted jello shots
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