look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
