Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
