So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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