Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
