So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
