guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
