Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
