She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
We're too hungover to prance.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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