Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
