John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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