Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
