True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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