My sheets look like a crime scene.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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