I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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