SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
MIDGETS
????
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
