If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
