Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
They took my balls.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
