my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
