There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
