you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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