I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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